<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Coming In from the Cold by JOBrien42</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710744">Coming In from the Cold</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JOBrien42/pseuds/JOBrien42'>JOBrien42</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The West Wing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode Related, Episode: s07e13 The Cold, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:13:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,925</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JOBrien42/pseuds/JOBrien42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In another timeline, Josh doesn't flub the key exchange in "The Cold".  Being him, he manages to screw things up, but it leads to a long overdue conversation.  My take on the talk between Josh &amp; Donna if it happened before they slept together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Josh Lyman/Donna Moss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Coming In from the Cold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She couldn’t believe herself. The audacity of it all, of handing her room key to Josh.</p><p>But he’d kissed her that morning. He had kissed <em>her</em>. The first time. The second was much more a mutual thing. And while he’d tried to apologize, tried to say it was inappropriate later, he was smiling that big, stupid, adorable smile of his.</p><p>And when she’d told him of Vinick’s cold, she could see him physically restrain himself from wrapping her in the hug of which Bram ended being the beneficiary.</p><p>He wanted her. Josh Lyman <em>desired</em> her. After years of flirting, or misdirection, of scathing banter and scalding looks, she finally knew for certain that he wanted her the way she’d wanted him. And Will said it would be all right, and even C.J. seemed to be okay with it. This was finally - finally - going to happen. All the unfounded rumors swirling around the hallways of the White House were finally going to come true.</p><p>She drained her wine, made her excuses, and left the table, using every trick she’d learned as spokesperson for two campaigns to project confidence and poise.</p><p>Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him clumsily place his phone next to the key, and then pick them both up. It was awkward, and if anyone had been paying attention, completely obvious. But they were all caught up in the conversation and celebrating the morning’s poll results, and he managed not to bungle it too badly.</p><p>She headed to the elevators. Hopefully he would give her a few minutes to get ready. She tried to remember if she’d matched bra and panties this morning, or if she might even have something sexier in her suitcase. She wanted everything to be perfect.</p><p>-</p><p>He’d kissed her that morning. He had finally gotten to kiss - really, <em>really</em> kiss - Donnatella Moss. They didn’t do that. There had been kisses on the cheek, and a few on the forehead, and so many wonderful hugs. Kisses that could be explained away. Chaste kisses. Friendly kisses. But nothing like <em>this</em>.</p><p>And Donna had kissed him back. She’d been enthusiastic. Passionate. Everything he’d always imagined… But he'd never imagined, would never let himself. She’d been his assistant. And he would never, ever. It was unethical, improper, inappropriate.</p><p>She still worked for him. For Lou, sure, but he was running this campaign. He was still responsible. He could try to justify it - Lou had hired her, and Lou reported directly to the Congressman, but… no, he was still in charge, still in a position of power over her.</p><p>But she <em>had</em> kissed him back. And she’d passed him her key that sat in his pocket, weighted down with eight years of history, a year of pain, and the promise of something he was now sure they’d both been wanting.</p><p>The prospect of sleeping with Donnatella Moss was enticing. More than that - it would be a literal dream come true. Dreams, plural. Idle, almost unconscious fantasies he'd been stifling for years. More... directed... imagery during their estrangement when he was tossing and turning and unable to sleep. One embarrassing time when they were flying back from Texas, when Lou had woken him up and he'd been grateful that the binder on his lap had hidden his body’s response.</p><p>But did he want this? “It was bound to happen sometime.” What was? A kiss? A one night stand? Something more?</p><p>Something real?</p><p>Did he dare even hope?</p><p>He made his own excuses, rising from the table. As he found himself heading to the elevator, following in her footsteps, he belatedly felt the eyes of his staff on him. He paused. He was not going to subject her to their gossip. This wasn’t the Bartlet White House, where people understood, as much as anyone could, the weird dynamic between them. This was still a campaign of strangers, and Donna had worked too hard to prove herself to be subjected to salacious rumors about sleeping with the boss.</p><p>Even if that’s what was going to happen.</p><p>If.</p><p>He pulled out his cell, making sure he was still in full view of the table, and hit a speed dial he hadn’t in a long, long time.</p><p>-</p><p>She’d decided on just a bathrobe. She’d waited too long to worry that his inability to open a simple hotel room door might translate to trouble with the clasp to a bra. Thankfully this Marriot had traditional keys - even he couldn’t screw that up.</p><p>He’d nearly screwed it up down at the table. His eyes had betrayed his shock at how forward she’d been, but one of them had to break this stalemate, and his half-hearted attempt at an apology showed her that it wasn’t going to be him.</p><p>It had been about ten minutes since she’d left him down at the table, and she found herself growing impatient. It was one thing to get her a little time to prepare, but it was rude to keep a lady waiting. For one, it was allowing her the butterflies to accumulate in her stomach. She took another sip of the Scotch she’d gotten from the mini bar to calm herself.</p><p>She was about to have sex with <em>Josh</em>. She had every right to be nervous.</p><p>She was startled out of her reverie by a knocking at her door, and she nearly dropped her drink. She looked through the peephole, expecting it to be Lou - or maybe Edie - with late breaking news or a change in her morning assignment, but no, it was Josh, looking hesitant and adorable.</p><p>“Hi,” she said as she opened the door, glancing quickly up and down the hall. He hadn’t used the key, so she figured someone must be watching, and he was trying to pass it off as the campaign manager checking in on his spokesperson. The hallways were empty, though, and Josh looked more worried than amorous.</p><p>“Hi,” he said, staring at her.</p><p>“Hi, she repeated, feeling off balance and a little foolish.</p><p>“Can- can I come in?”</p><p>She took another look to make sure they were alone, and said in a voice she hoped was sultry, “That was why I left you the key.”</p><p>“Oh. Um, yeah, right,” Josh said. He started forward, but Donna hadn’t fully opened the door, and he stuttered in place. “Er…”</p><p>Donna let out a small laugh, and took him gently by the elbow and pulled him inside, letting the door close behind them. After hearing the audible click as the lock engaged, her grip on his arm tightened as she pulled him into a kiss.</p><p>It was even better than the ones from that morning. For one, Josh must have stopped by his room, as she could taste the Pepsodent on his breath. For another, this wasn’t the result of his exuberance at the new polls or a spontaneous explosion of years of chemistry under pressure; no, this was a conscious choice, both of them wanting this. And there would be no Congressman interrupting them, either. Maybe she should put the Do Not Disturb sign on the handle?</p><p>The kiss finally broke, and she opened her eyes to see him staring at her, a gaze filled with passion, and something else. Not fear, not exactly, at least not the fear she’d seen when he was about to initiate break-up protocols with women in the past. There was worry, though, and a vulnerability she knew he rarely let himself show.</p><p>She started to lean in for another kiss, intending to distract him before he got stuck in his own head and overthought things, but he moved back first.</p><p>“Donna…” he said, reaching up to scrub his hand through his hair.</p><p>“Josh,” she replied in a sing-song voice. “We both want this. It’s not inappropriate, it’s not unethical. There’s nothing to get in the way.”</p><p>“I called Sam,” he said, simply.</p><p>“So that’s why you were late?” she said. “I’m hurt. I was hoping to be first in your thoughts tonight.”</p><p>“You are- believe me,” Josh responded quickly. “I didn’t want people to - I didn’t want it to look like…”</p><p>“Look like what - what it actually is? Two consenting adults engaging in some healthy physical activity?”</p><p>“I can’t ,” he tried again. “Look, Donna. I- I’ve slept with women who didn’t like me very much. I don’t want to do that anymore.”</p><p>The simple sadness in his voice pierced her heart. He was worried that she didn’t like him?</p><p>She had spoken with Sam a few times over the past year - after she’d quit last December, after losing at the convention and again after Josh rejected her at that interview, and when she’d been offered a spot on the campaign by Lou. She’d shared her concerns, her worries - surely he wouldn’t have broken her confidence?</p><p>“Sam told you not to sleep with me?” she asked.</p><p>“No,” Josh said. “He said it was about time, and he told me not to screw this up.”</p><p>“Josh,” Donna said, frustration creeping into her voice, “most people would say throwing a wet blanket over a romantic evening is the very definition of ‘screwing it up.’”</p><p>His head drooped. “Yeah. I’m making a complete hash out of the whole thing.”</p><p>“You really are,” she sighed. “I know things have been awkward for a while, but I don’t dislike you, Josh…”</p><p>Donna realized that she suddenly didn’t have his full attention. He’d been lifting his head but had paused midway, and she suddenly realized that her robe had opened slightly during their embrace, and Josh was transfixed by the sight.</p><p>“Sorry,” he stammered, his face flushing as his eyes rose to meet hers again. “You, um, you’re not wearing anything under that.”</p><p>“Good to see your powers of observation haven’t atrophied in the last year,” she quipped, pushing down the sudden feeling of self-consciousness. She’d noticed him staring. Admiring, even if he was trying to hide it. It felt good to know that beneath his insecurities he couldn’t help but find her attractive.</p><p>“You gotta believe that it isn’t that I don’t want to. With you. I mean, you’re gorgeous. What red-blooded male wouldn’t want to?”</p><p>“I know,” she said. “I believe you.”</p><p>“Good,” Josh said, visibly relieved.</p><p>“I mean, I can tell.” She quite deliberately lowered her gaze downwards, where a noticeable bulge in his slacks showed while his brain might be fighting this, Josh’s body was on her side.</p><p>Josh’s blush intensified when he noticed the intensity of her gaze.</p><p>“Er, right,” he began, clearly flustered. “Look, Amy and I…”</p><p>“Josh, it’s unbelievably rude to bring up your ex when…”</p><p>He continued, pushing through unabated. “We had good sex. Great sex, maybe. I thought, maybe there was something. I tried to make it work - you know I did. But when we broke up it didn’t hurt half as much as when you left me last year.”</p><p>Donna let out an exasperated sigh. “Josh…”</p><p>“You hated me,” he said, his voice breaking. “I made you hate me and want to leave me. Even before I missed those lunches in December, you were so angry, all the time. Everything I said just seemed to piss you off, I could never find a way to get ‘us’ back.”</p><p>Donna looked up, as if beseeching the heavens for strength. “Look, I know we need to talk. I was just hoping… well, for a little fun before we delve into the mistakes we’ve both made over the last year.” She turned and went to her suitcase, pulling out some articles of clothing. “Have a seat - I’m just going to go and put on my pajamas. We’re not going to get too far if you keep staring at my boobs.”</p><p>Josh watched her walk to the bathroom and close the door. He would’ve sworn that she actually sashayed a little, teasing him with what he was missing by talking instead of following his instincts and just letting the night happen.</p><p>Sam’s words echoed in his head. “Don’t screw this up.” It was the last thing he wanted to do, of course, but he’d done it in the past. With other women, and, much more importantly, with Donna herself.</p><p>He listened to the faucet run. He’d paid for his failure with the hardest year of his life. He plopped down on the end of the bed, and ran his fingers through his hair. The what if’s that had plagued him assaulted him with their whispers - what if talking made things worse? What if it just reminded her of how badly he’d let her down? What if she just wanted sex? What if he’d already screwed it up too badly to fix?</p><p>The bathroom door opened, and Donna walked out, her alabaster skin turned slightly pink from scrubbing. She was wearing an old Bartlet for America t-shirt, a pair of shorts and a pair of fuzzy socks. She walked over and sat on the bed, a couple feet away from him.</p><p>“So,” she said evenly, “where would you like to start?”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>Donna looked at him, an eyebrow arched. “You’re the one who wanted to talk.”</p><p>“Oh,” he said. “Yeah. So… where did I go wrong? What did I do, that made you want to leave me?”</p><p>She regarded him, and the raw nerves he was exposing in both of them with that question. “When do you think?”</p><p>He considered it. “I thought it was after… after Gaza. But it was before that, wasn’t it?”</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>“It was the trade deal. When I couldn’t get you on the trip to Brussels.”</p><p>“Yes,” she said. “I earned that trip.”</p><p>“Yeah. You did,” he admitted. “I didn’t take it - I didn’t take you - seriously enough. I didn’t even want to go, especially after I found out how badly I'd screwed American workers on the trade deal. I did try - I did! - but it was too late, and I had to take the press plane. And then I couldn’t come back to you with that - I’d let you down, you were so pissed, and so I looked for anything I could find for you, and I ended up talking to Toby and he mentioned the CODEL…”</p><p>Josh broke off suddenly, taking several deep breaths.</p><p>“I am sorry, for that,” he said after a moment. “I should have heard what you were saying.”</p><p>Donna looked at him, fighting back reflexive concern. “It’s a start. But didn’t you think I might have wanted to go to Brussels with <em>you</em>?”</p><p>He remained quiet, his head turned towards her, but did not meet her gaze.</p><p>“Josh?” she prodded. “If we’re going to do this, I need you to, y’know, participate.”</p><p>“Oh,” he said, breaking from his seeming reverie, “yeah. Sorry. Like I said, you deserved to go to Belgium.”</p><p>“That’s not what I meant,” she said. “I wanted to go with you. We’d worked so hard on that deal.”</p><p>“We made a good team,” he said, distractedly.</p><p>“If you aren’t up to this, we can do it another time,” she said, but then she noticed just where he was looking.</p><p>She’d picked her shortest pair of shorts. She knew her long legs were one of her best assets, and she was sure she’d caught him staring from time to time over the years. If she was going to get through this, she needed to have a little fun. But it wasn’t the length of her legs that had captured his attention, but the series of faded white scars along her right thigh.</p><p>“Josh… I’m here, Josh. I lived,” Donna said, softly. “It wasn’t your fault.”</p><p>“You wanted to go to Brussels,” he said. He tore his eyes away from the reminder of her injury and stared off into the distance. “I sent you to one of the most dangerous places on Earth. It sure as hell sounds like it was my fault.”</p><p>She laughed, a bit bitterly. “You see, this - this is one of the things that made things go so badly for us. I couldn’t talk to you because I knew your guilt would get in the way.”</p><p>Josh turned to face her, startled. He considered her words. “I wouldn’t have let it. I wouldn’t have let it get in the way. You helped me, after Rosslyn. I would’ve done anything…”</p><p>“You wouldn’t. You didn’t. You kept me at arm’s length when I got back!”</p><p>“I helped…”</p><p>“Yes,” she said. “You took me to physical therapy and yelled at people on the phone.  But I needed more.”</p><p>“You needed help, someone to talk to,” Josh whispered, “like I did, after Rosslyn…”</p><p>“And I got it,” Donna said. “Kate Harper…”</p><p>“I... know,” Josh confessed. “You’d already pulled away from me at that point, and CJ was too busy with her new job.”</p><p>“A fixer til the end, huh? I should have known.” Her lips quirked in a small smile. “Kate ended up being, well, a neutral party, when I was finally ready. It turns out that CJ would’ve been a bad choice, even if she had the time. The last time she and I had talked before Gaza was the most embarrassing night of my life.”</p><p>Josh looked at her, confused.</p><p>Donna continued, “It was the night of the Correspondents’ Dinner, during the lockdown. She pointed out that the Gaza trip was make-work, just a way to shut me up. And she rather bluntly told me that I was wasting my career as your assistant.”</p><p>A flash of anger crossed Josh’s face, but he managed to shove it down. “Is… is that why you left?”</p><p>“It contributed,” she admitted. “CJ pointed out I had stalled my own career, that I let myself stay working for you, and then this horrific tragedy happens and I was the only survivor. Admiral Fitzwallace. Two Congressmen.  A legal aide.  I couldn’t waste any more time. And you…”</p><p>“I wasn’t making things any easier, at all, did I?” Josh said.</p><p>“No. You tried to keep me at my desk, like some porcelain doll you were afraid of breaking,” she said, resentment creeping into her tone. “I needed to do more, and you were doing your damnedest to shove me back into the same little box you kept me in for years.”</p><p>Josh objected. “I didn’t-”</p><p>“You did!” she exclaimed. “I did far less work for the Chinese summit than I’d done for the trade bill. You stuck me with tasks I’d been farming out since our first year, just to keep me under your thumb!”</p><p>“I-,” Josh began, but stopped, and his shoulders slumped. “I guess I did do that. I’m sorry. I was trying to… I wanted… I don’t know what I was thinking.”</p><p>“I realized later it was your way of keeping me safe, but that didn’t make it any better. Not with CJ’s words still echoing in my head, and especially not when the President was forcing Charlie to leave him and get a better job.” Donna pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a tension headache coming on. “I understand why you did it, Josh. And I tried to talk to you about it, but you kept putting me off, again and again.”</p><p>“You could have told me why,” he argued. “You knew I had to triage who I met with, and I had no idea how to prioritize you.”</p><p>“It was me, Josh,” she said sadly. “You should have respected me enough to know I wouldn’t put myself on your schedule without cause. I needed… I needed to know that you respected me, that you took me seriously. Anyway, we both know that’s just the excuse you told yourself.”</p><p>“Really, Donnatella? And what was my real reason? Enlighten me.”</p><p>Donna gave him a direct look. “You knew you weren’t going to like the conversation, so you avoided me, just like I was... a soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.”</p><p>He met her eyes for a second, but he looked away.</p><p>“I thought... “ he said, hesitantly, “If I just had a little more time, I could fix whatever was going wrong and you’d stop being angry.”</p><p>“I didn’t need you to fix things, I just needed you to see me. To talk to me.”</p><p>“And then you wouldn’t have left me?”</p><p>Donna’s eyes grew sad. “I think… I think I needed to go. But maybe… I could have done it right. I am sorry about the way I quit.”</p><p>“Yeah?” he asked, hopefully.</p><p>“Yes, Josh,” she confirmed. “If I hadn’t been so mad I never could have done it. It killed me to leave. You have to know that.”</p><p>“I know it nearly killed me.”</p><p>This time, Donna hung her head. “I know. I convinced myself that it wouldn’t mean that much to you, that you would just be upset that you had to break in someone new to do your typing and filing.”</p><p>“How could you think that?” Josh exclaimed. “You were my right hand. We were a team!”</p><p>“Except you were the star, and I was the… the cheerleader. Or the equipment manager. I needed to be more than a footnote in your autobiography, Josh!”</p><p>He shook his head in disbelief. “You were always on the field with me, Donna. You just didn’t give yourself credit for it. And that was probably my fault too.”</p><p>“Oh?” Donna arched an eyebrow.</p><p>“I said I wasn’t going to, but I ended up taking you for granted anyway. I thought that you felt the same as I did - that the job was what mattered, not us.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare try to turn that around on me!” she snapped, angrily. “I gave everything to that job. Seven years of my life for it! And keeping me chained to my desk and not promoting me to where I could use everything I’d learned certainly didn’t make anything better for the President or the administration.”</p><p>“And where could I have promoted you, Donna? Tell me that!” Josh retorted. He shook his head. “I gave you what I could. The better jobs, the ones you wanted? They all had qualifications; you needed a degree. If you wanted to move up, you had to either go back to school like Charlie, or leave the White House, take a job like that dot com you were offered!”</p><p>“Will didn’t care that I didn’t have a degree!”</p><p>“Will was running a campaign, not staffing the White House!” Josh responded. “If you’d waited one more week, I would have…”</p><p>Donna cut him off, and when she spoke, her voice was deadly quiet. “So what you’re saying is that even if Santos wins, you’ll never hire me for anything higher than secretary? That no matter how good I am or how hard I work, I can choose to return to typing memos or else get tossed to the private sector like Mandy?”</p><p>“I didn’t say that!” Josh said. “We’ll find a place…”</p><p>“Why bother? You didn’t even want me on this campaign!” she pointed out.</p><p>“That’s not true!”</p><p>“You turned me down. You threw my quotes back in my face. You were ready to reject me. Do you have any idea just how mortifying that was?”</p><p>“I couldn’t hire you!” he said, his voice rising an octave.</p><p>“You mean you wouldn’t,” Donna replied, confidently.</p><p>“No,” Josh said, slowly. “I couldn’t. It was four days after the convention. Four days after you’d been on national television slamming my guy. Tell me how I do that? How I bring in the face of Bingo Bob’s campaign and put her in charge of people who’d been with Santos since the start?”</p><p>“Lou didn’t mind that I worked for Russell.”</p><p>“Seven weeks later!”</p><p>“And you still had a nutty about it when she did!” Donna argued.</p><p>“Yes I did!” Josh responded with equal force as he leapt to his feet. He took a few steps towards the door before stopping. “Yes,” he repeated, his voice barely a whisper. “I did. And I was wrong about that too. I just... it was too hard. After everything this year, I didn’t know if I could take much more and still do my job. I’m sorry.”</p><p>There was a creak from the bed as Donna pushed herself to her feet. He could sense her presence behind him. “I know, Josh. It was hard for me too.”</p><p>“Didn’t feel like it. I told you I missed you every day, and you walked out on me. Again.”</p><p>“And I’m sorry for that,” she said, tentatively putting an arm on his shoulder. “All I could think was that you were rejecting me. I told myself you missed having me as your secretary. I didn’t think you felt more than that.”</p><p>“You were the one who said this morning was ‘bound to happen sometime.’” Josh pointed out.</p><p>“Well, I’m an attractive woman,” she said with a small laugh, “and I shouldn’t have had to wait this long to be entertained.”</p><p>Josh looked over at her and gave a ghost of a smile. “You are, and no, you shouldn’t have to wait.”</p><p>“And somehow I seem to be waiting still?” Her words were light-hearted, but her eyes were very direct.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said. “Sorry.”</p><p>There was silence for a few moments, and Donna’s arm slid off his shoulder. “You said, earlier, if I’d just waited a week. I wish I had. I wish I’d been on the Santos campaign from the start.”</p><p>“If I’m being entirely honest,” Josh said, “if you’d waited a week, there might not have been a Santos campaign.”</p><p>Donna considered this. “Will thought you were running Santos to spite him. There were times I thought you were doing it to get back at me. It wasn’t either of those, was it? I mean, clearly not, I know he’s the real thing now.”</p><p>“The day you left, when I missed that last lunch. I was talking to Leo, he was telling me to go find a guy. But I wouldn’t have done it. I couldn’t. Not until I came in the next day and saw a stranger at your desk.”</p><p>“I guess…” Donna said, “I guess it was better that I built my career on my own anyway. So people could see me as me, and not just an extension of Josh Lyman. I wish it had been for someone better than Bob Russell.”</p><p>“Hey, I nearly got John Hoynes elected. I’m really not in a position to cast stones,” Josh pointed out. “I hated that you went to Russell. Hated that he was so unworthy of your devotion. Hated that I wasn’t worthy of it anymore. And I wish it had been me, that my teaching was the reason you’d gotten so good at this.”</p><p>“About that,” Donna said. “It turns out, when I said I meant Will?”</p><p>“Yeah?” he asked, hope in his eyes.</p><p>“I may have been exaggerating.”</p><p>“Really,” Josh chuckled. His face turned serious as he turned to face her. “Donna, it wasn’t me or Will. It was always you. You paid attention and you asked questions and you learned everything we could teach you, but you made yourself a major player in Democratic politics.”</p><p>Donna’s eyes widened in surprise.</p><p>“I mean it,” he said.</p><p>“So maybe there’s a spot for me in a Santos administration after all?” she asked, putting a little sass in her voice.</p><p>“Potential Santos administration,” he corrected her. “And yes. If we win, if I have any say in it.”</p><p>“So my lack of a degree isn’t a problem now?” she asked, with an edge creeping into her banter.</p><p>“Now you’ve got more to your resume. Deputy campaign manager and spokesperson for Russell, and campaign spokesperson for us,” Josh noted. “Those are strong mitigating factors to override a lack of a formal education.”</p><p>“It was a Catch-22, wasn’t it?” she said. “I couldn’t advance in the White House until I’d left it.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he said. “That isn’t to say I didn’t… I mean, I tried, a couple years ago. After Henry moved on, I floated you as a possibility for Deputy Press Secretary to CJ.”</p><p>“You did?” Donna was shocked.</p><p>“Yeah, remember when I kept having you work with her office, after reelection?” he said. “After Jack - after you almost threw away your career for him… it opened my eyes that you really didn’t seem to value your career. And I thought, there was this job opening up…”</p><p>“What happened?” she asked, thinking back to those days.</p><p>“Zoey got kidnapped,” Josh said, sadly. “We all kinda lost our way for a while after that.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Donna said. “Of course, that explains the Return of Amy Gardner.”</p><p>“Don’t remind me!” Josh said, with a rueful laugh. “Can we just say she caught me in a moment of weakness?”</p><p>Donna swallowed, once, before asking a question that had been bothering her. “Did you have another ‘moment of weakness’ in New Hampshire? Before the primary debate?”</p><p>“What?” Josh said. “No! I was pissed at the Congressman for hiring her without asking me.”</p><p>“Oh,” she said. “I saw you two. You looked… friendly.”</p><p>“I have no interest in Amy anymore. I need you to believe that,” Josh insisted. “She was a mistake.”</p><p>“I could have told you that,” Donna said, pointedly. “And it was still wrong to bring her up earlier.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he said. “Did you have a, um, ‘moment of weakness’ with Cliff, during the Stem Cell vote?”</p><p>“He asked me out,” Donna admitted. “I was polite about it, but it’s hard to forget that this man has read my diary.”</p><p>“Okay,” Josh said.</p><p>“Still, he is cute, and funny, and a girl’s gotta keep her options open,” she said, clearly teasing.</p><p>“Donna!”</p><p>“And that’s for bringing up Amy,” she said, wryly.</p><p>“Hey,” he complained, “I was trying to make a salient point with that, not dredge up bad memories.”</p><p>“And what was that point again?” Donna asked. “That you’d have sex with Amy but not with me?”</p><p>“No!” Josh retorted. “The point - the point was that you meant more to me than Amy did! The point was it felt like my heart was torn out when you left me! The point was that when you were hurt in Gaza I didn’t stop for red lights!”</p><p>Donna stood there, watching as Josh faced her, his chest heaving.</p><p>“The point was,” he continued, softer now, “that I want my best friend back and I can’t screw this up.”</p><p>She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. “I am back, Josh. And you won’t screw this up. I won’t let you.”</p><p>“I always do,” he said, his voice breaking. “You know I do.”</p><p>Donna led him back to the bed and prompted him to sit down. She kept her arms around him as she whispered, “We never really talked about Gaza. Or Germany.”</p><p>“What’s there to talk about? I sent you there, you nearly died.”</p><p>“But I didn’t,” she insisted. “And you were there when I woke up. I never really told you how much that meant to me.”</p><p>“Colin woulda been there soon enough,” Josh said, woodenly. “I just got there first.”</p><p>“Josh,” she said, more seriously. “It was nice that Colin came, yes, but he’s not the one I asked for before my surgery, was he?”</p><p>“No,” he said.</p><p>“Because I needed to see you, Josh. You were my strength right then. You were there when I woke up. That was everything, Josh. I need you to know that.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have been anywhere else,” he said.</p><p>“But you pulled away when I came back,” she said, sadly. “Emotionally, I mean.”</p><p>“I thought… you kicked me out,” he replied. “Sent me away. It felt like I was getting in the way of you and Heathcli- I mean, you and Colin.”</p><p>“You had to get back to help with the summit, Josh!” Donna said. “I would have given anything for you to have stayed, but Leo needed you. The President needed you. After everything I’d seen when I was there, I couldn’t keep you when there was a chance to make things better. I couldn’t be that selfish.”</p><p>“I wish you had been. I wish you’d told Colin to leave and asked me to stay.”</p><p>“I couldn’t do that,” she said. “I wouldn’t have you risk your career like that.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Is that - that’s why you were so distant when I returned. You thought I was with Colin?”</p><p>“Well, yeah,” Josh admitted. “What was I supposed to think? I figured at that point any awkward, heartfelt declarations of unrequited love would be out of line, but at least I didn’t have to try to transfer you to Communications. If all we would ever be is friends, I would try to help you how I could, and hopefully just get back to the way things were when things worked between us. But then there was almost losing Leo, and CJ getting the Chief of Staff job, and we never could find our way. ”</p><p>“Josh?” she said.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I need you to know that you’re my best friend too.”</p><p>“‘Kay.”</p><p>“And that I think you are one of the most brilliant political minds of your generation.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“And I’ll be forever grateful for everything you’ve done for me, for giving me a job in New Hampshire, to everything you’ve taught me, and for a thousand things I probably never truly appreciated at the time.”</p><p>“Donna, is there a point to this?”</p><p>“Just this,” she said, as she smacked him - gently- on the head. “CJ was right. Wow, are you stupid!”</p><p>“Hey, what was that for?”</p><p>“A whole year, Josh!” she said, in mock anger. “It wouldn’t have been out of line, and then we would’ve had a whole year! No awkward glances in elevators, no humiliating interviews. No Bingo Bob. We could have had a whole year! Do you have any idea how much I wanted to hear that from you?”</p><p>“Hear what?”</p><p>“Your awkward, heartfelt declaration of unrequited love.”</p><p>“Oh,” he said. “That.  In my defense, I really did think you were with Colin until you were too mad at me.”</p><p>“We’ll never know, will we?” Donna said.</p><p>“And in that year, you’ve blossomed into a rising star of the party.”</p><p>“True,” she acknowledged.</p><p>“I’m still going to kick Will’s ass for trying to guilt me with you that time in Nashua,” Josh said.</p><p>“You’re going to leave Will alone,” Donna said. “He’s my friend, and he’s the one who convinced me that it wouldn’t be inappropriate to pass you my key tonight.”</p><p>“You spoke to Will about this? About us?”</p><p>“I was being oblique,” she offered, “But it turned out I wasn’t as cryptic as I’d hoped.”</p><p>Josh considered that.</p><p>“So?” Donna prompted him.</p><p>“So, what?”</p><p>“I’m still waiting.”</p><p>“For?”</p><p>“Your awkward, heartfelt declaration of unrequited love,” she said, a little pout to her lips.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“But before you do, there’s something you should know.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yes,” she said, reaching up and placing a hand on his cheek. “It isn’t unrequited.”</p><p>“Oh.” He swallowed nervously. “Donnatella Moss?”</p><p>“Yes, Joshua?”</p><p>“It turns out, somewhere over the past nine years, I don’t think I can pinpoint the exact moment, but it seems I have fallen completely in love with you.”</p><p>“You have?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Okay,” she said with a mischievous smile.</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“Was there something else?”</p><p>“I was hoping - you said it wasn’t unrequited.”</p><p>“Joshua?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I love you too,” she said, and she kissed him, seriously and deeply.</p><p>As they fell back into bed together, Josh realized that It turned out he hadn’t screwed it up after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so much gratitude to ABSea, kcat1971 and SeaDog11 for their assistance in bringing this to fruition.</p><p>I apologize for the length.  I couldn't figure out how to divide it into chapters.</p><p>In a way, this was a way to bring together most of the headcanon I've developed over my rewatches.  Some (like Josh trying to get Donna a job in Communications) I think are actually well supported by the episodes, while others (Josh asking Kate to talk to Donna) are more far-fetched, but there's some evidence if you look hard enough and squint.  And, since he does it a lot in this story, I would point out that for all his supposed arrogance and mule-headedness, Josh apologizes more than anyone during the Sorkin years</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>